This Is What I Get

Every Single Mother's Punishment

It's what we get.

From the outside, the house looked warm enough. But inside, it was like living in a glass room that kept getting colder. For a long time, the girls and I could push the chill back. Wherever we landed on the couch or in the kitchen, we could heat it up just by being together. I really believed we were building something whole, a family. But near the end, the temperature shifted. The cold started winning in quiet, practical ways: in calendars and bank accounts and the way we all moved around one another. Warm moments still happened, but they were unfolding inside a room that was icing over, and the glass was starting to splinter.

A cracked window catches the soft morning light, revealing splintering from cold, unseen imperfections.

People didn’t lean in and say, “Hey, that looks dangerous, let’s fix it.” They stepped back from the glass. They decided the cracks meant I wasn’t as strong as the version of me they had already settled on.

On the couch, though, it still felt like ours. It was the one place in the house that didn’t seem to care how tense the air was. My girls would pile onto me in a tangle of limbs, hair, and blankets, and we’d watch cartoons, cooking shows, or replay whatever cartoon the girls were fixated on. We’d talk over the dialogue and make up our own, turning everything into a bit. I’d throw out a line, and they’d tag it with something funnier, and suddenly, we weren’t in that house anymore. We were just four people on a couch, building a different kind of home in the space between punchlines. Even when the rest of the house felt like it was icing over, that couch stayed warm as long as we were all pressed together on it.

The only place that ever actually felt safe in that house was wherever my girls were pressed up against me. Three little mini-mes with wild curly brown hair and big brown eyes, always connected to me somehow. One would be holding my hand, one would be hooked onto my leg, another curled up on my lap, or leaning into my shoulder. We’d tangle up in blankets, all knees and elbows and notebooks, while I worked on jokes for actual shows. I was a professional comedian writing for real money, but that bed was my favorite stage. My girls on that bed were my little comedy writers' room, mimicking their mom and pitching their own punchlines. I figured if I could make them laugh, I could make anyone laugh. My youngest always wanted my phone. Her chubby little hands would swipe away every notification and hit decline on calls like none of that outside noise mattered. Then she’d flip the camera on and perform like she had ten million viewers, singing and dancing on my rumpled bed while her sisters cracked up. "Do you wanna build a Snowman?" She was just a baby, and I wanted to keep her that way.

I let her do it. I let all of them live in that bubble, because I was trying to curate a life for them that wasn’t the one I was actually living. I wanted to protect their giggles like they were little vehicles that could carry them over all the broken glass on the floor. I took the brunt of it, the sad bruises. I took the confusion. I stacked as much of the pain on my side of the glass as I could, so I could be the barrier. If something ugly was coming, I wanted it to hit me before it ever got to them.

A couple of days after the night with the shattered glass and the broken door, after I finally, finally called the police, the air in my house changed.  The word “consequences” started floating around in rooms I used to pay for with jokes and charm. Suddenly, there were strangers asking questions, taking notes, deciding what kind of mother I was on paper. People with badges and clipboards walked through my life like it was a crime scene they’d just been assigned. Every move I made felt like evidence. While everything unfolded, the story itself was already being edited. It was softened in places, trimmed in others, and built for later use. I called him and begged him to stop, because I could feel how dangerous this altered version of the story was for the girls and me. It felt like watching someone light matches in a dry forest and call it “nothing.” I was terrified of what all of this might cost us. On the other end of the line, I could hear him breathe, like he was weighing whether to drop the mask or double down. Then he said it: “It’s what you get.” Not yelled. Just dropped, like a stone in water.

I haven't written much about the particulars of my earlier days. I've spoken about it at events and shows where my words get gobbled by the night and fading memories. Mainly because of my old buddy, Fear. He used to travel with me everywhere, but now he’s older, weaker. Here’s what I know now: life isn’t a happily-ever-after. It’s a series of happily-ever-Tuesdays. Life is a school. Some seasons are pop quizzes, some are full-semester labs, and some are just you sitting in the back, wondering why you signed up for this class. Pain isn’t a punishment. It’s discomfort. As a species, we spend a considerable part of our lives trying to avoid discomfort. But what if, instead of ups and downs, every emotion sits in the same row, and none of them is more holy than the others? On some days, we win. If we’re lucky, we get to fail. Failure means, at one point, we were brave enough to take a swing. Those failures can stay open in our souls as wounds, or they can become pivots. They can be the exact spot where we bend toward a life that fits us better, no matter the season.

Life is brutal and weird, and it will knock you flat. And still, even when you’re flat on your face, life is survivable. It is not survivable in a movie-montage way. It is more like what we comedians call an “enjoy the suck” way. The kind where you bomb, and fail, and bomb again, until you realize every failure is just another love note from your gut. Because that’s what your gut is. It’s the megaphone for your soul. It’s blasting the truth at you, even when you’re pretending not to hear it. Joy lives inside that truth. Joy, not pleasure, not hype, not “treat yourself, love your body, girl” energy. Joy. The kind that coats your insides and cheers you on to keep going. You want to know how we find true joy? We learn to savor breathing, breathing in, and breathing out. That kind of joy can only be found after we know what it’s like to not be able to breathe. I get to know that I deserve every single breath I'm gifted.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/71e7c0_67923f493b9c421c99425d29e5abca04/1080p/mp4/file.mp4

Joy!

He wanted ‘It’s what you get’ to be a sentence, a verdict, the end of my story. For a long time, I carried it like that. But standing here now, I actually do thank him, because he was right. I get three brilliant girls who know their mother never stopped fighting for them. I get a life that is mine, built on my own work, efforts, accomplishments, and my own peace. Mine. I get Tuesday after Tuesday of ordinary joy. This is what I get.

Happy Valentine's Day to me.

You do not have to prove pain to deserve protection!

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Mirage Thrams is a single mother of three beautiful girls, a Hollywood-based writer, director, and cinematographer, and serves as Secretary and Public Relations Director for SHE IS HOPE LA.

If loving truth is wrong, she don't wanna be right. Contact: [info@sheishopela.org]

Media and partnerships: [pr@sheishopela.org] Los Angeles, CA

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or positions of SHE IS HOPE LA.

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Mental Health & General Crisis

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Dial 988 (or text 988) for 24/7 free and confidential support during mental health, suicide, or substance use crises across the U.S.. Counselors are available in English and Spanish, with interpretation in 240+ languages. (Formerly the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.)

• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the U.S. to connect with a live, trained crisis counselor via text. This service is available 24/7 and is free and confidential. (También disponible en español – envía HOLA al 741741.)

• 211 Helpline – Dial 211 for help finding local resources for any kind of crisis or urgent need (housing, food, mental health, etc.). 211 is a free, confidential 24/7 referral service that connects callers with locally available help across the U.S., with support in 180+ languages.

  
  

LGBTQ+ Support

• The Trevor Project – Call 1-866-488-7386 (TrevorLifeline), text “START” to 678-678, or chat online for 24/7 crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ+ youth. Trained counselors provide free and confidential support 24/7 via phone, text, and chat.

• Trans Lifeline – Call 877-565-8860 to reach a peer support hotline run by and for transgender people. Operators are trans/nonbinary volunteers who provide emotional support and resources without involving emergency services. Note: Available in English or Spanish (press 2 for Spanish). Hours:  Monday–Friday, 10 am–6 pm Pacific (1 pm–9 pm Eastern).

• SAGE LGBTQ+ Elder Hotline – Call 1-877-360-LGBT (5428) for a free confidential hotline dedicated to LGBTQ+ older adults (and caregivers). 24/7 responders are certified in crisis response and offer support without judgment. Services available in English and Spanish, with translation in 180 languages.

  
  

Domestic & Dating Violence

• National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE), or text “START” to 88788, for 24/7 support if you are experiencing domestic violence or relationship abuse. Highly trained advocates are available 24/7 to talk confidentially with anyone in the U.S. affected by domestic or dating violence, offering crisis counseling, safety planning, and referrals. (Servicios disponibles en español.)

• love is respect – National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline – Call 1-866-331-9474, text “LOVEIS” to 22522, or live chat online for support with dating abuse. This 24/7 service is tailored to teens and young adults (as well as their friends/family) for questions or concerns about healthy relationships and dating violence. Peer advocates provide education, emotional support, and help with safety planning.

• StrongHearts Native Helpline – Call or text 1-844-7NATIVE (844-762-8483) for culturally-specific support for Native American and Alaska Native communities. This is a 24/7 anonymous and confidential helpline for domestic violence and sexual violence, staffed by advocates familiar with Native cultures and tribal resources. (Offers support in English and in some Indigenous languages.)

• The Deaf Hotline – For Deaf and hard-of-hearing survivors of abuse, the National Deaf Domestic Violence Hotline provides 24/7 crisis assistance in American Sign Language. Video phone: 1-855-812-1001. Deaf advocates are available 24/7 via VP, providing culturally adept crisis intervention, safety planning, and emotional support in ASL. (Email and chat options are also available via the website.)

  
  

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• National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN) – Call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) to be connected with a local sexual assault service provider, or chat online via RAINN. This hotline is 24/7 and connects survivors of rape, sexual assault, or abuse (or their loved ones) with trained staff who provide confidential support and resources for healing and reporting. (En español: 1-800-656-4673 or rainn.org/es).

• DOD Safe Helpline – Call 877-995-5247 or chat online for confidential support for sexual assault survivors in the U.S. military community (Service members, veterans, and DoD employees). This is the Department of Defense’s 24/7 specialized hotline, operated by RAINN, providing anonymous crisis counseling, referrals, and information worldwide for those affected by sexual violence in the military. (Accessible from anywhere via phone, online chat, or the Safe Helpline app.)

  
  

Child & Youth Safety

• Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline – Call or text 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) if you are a victim of child abuse or concerned about a child’s safety. Professional crisis counselors are available 24/7/365 via phone, text, or online chat to provide crisis intervention, information, and referrals. Support is free and confidential, and help is offered in 170+ languages.

• National Runaway Safeline – Call 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929), or text, email, or chat via the website for any youth in crisis (or youth considering running away/homelessness) and concerned family members. This 24/7 crisis line offers compassionate, nonjudgmental support and can help with safety planning, shelter referrals, reunification, and other resources. All services are free and confidential.

• National Center for Missing & Exploited Children – If you have information about a missing child or suspect a child is being sexually exploited online, call 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678). This hotline operates 24/7 to receive tips and provide assistance to law enforcement and families in cases of missing or exploited children.

  
  

Elder Support & Abuse Prevention

• Eldercare Locator – Call 1-800-677-1116 for the nationwide Eldercare Locator, which connects older adults and caregivers with local resources (like Adult Protective Services, senior services, and legal aid). Information specialists are available Monday–Friday, 9 am–8 pm ET to answer questions and help report elder abuse or neglect by routing you to the appropriate agencies. (Service in English and Spanish, with interpreters for other languages.)

• National Elder Fraud Hotline (DOJ) – Call 1-833-FRAUD-11 (833-372-8311) if you or an elderly person you know has been a victim of fraud, scams, or financial exploitation. This U.S. Department of Justice hotline is staffed by case managers who assist callers in reporting fraud and connecting with resources. Hours: Monday–Friday, 10 am–6 pm Eastern. Services are available in multiple languages. (After hours, you can leave a message and get a callback.)

  
  

Human Trafficking & Exploitation

• National Human Trafficking Hotline – If you or someone you encounter may be a victim of human trafficking (sex or labor trafficking), call 1-888-373-7888, text “HELP” or “INFO” to 233733, or chat via the website. Trained advocates are available 24/7 to take reports or provide help to victims. Calls are confidential, and you can get help in 200+ languages through interpreters. (You may also report tips anonymously.)

• National Sexual Exploitation Hotline (CyberTipline) – To report online sexual exploitation of children (e.g. child pornography, enticement, sex trafficking), contact the CyberTipline at 1-800-843-5678 or through the online form. This tipline is operated by NCMEC in partnership with law enforcement 24/7.

  
  

Veterans & Military Crisis

• Veterans Crisis Line – Dial 988 then Press 1 (or call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1), or text 838255, to reach the Veterans Crisis Line. This is a dedicated 24/7 crisis hotline for veterans, service members, National Guard/Reserve, and their families. It provides free, confidential support from trained responders (many are veterans) for any emotional or suicidal crisis. (You do not have to be enrolled in VA benefits to use this service. Online chat is also available.)

• Military OneSource Crisis Line – Call 1-800-342-9647 for 24/7 help for service members and their families on a range of issues (financial, legal, family, mental health). This DoD-funded helpline provides confidential counseling and referrals worldwide (with collect calls from OCONUS accepted). (Language interpretation available.)

• Vet Center Call Center – Call 1-877-WAR-VETS (927-8387) for the Vet Center confidential call center. It’s a 24/7 helpline staffed by combat veterans and military family members, providing an understanding ear, support, and referrals for veterans and service members (and their families) who prefer to speak with fellow veterans about readjustment counseling or any personal crises.

  
  

Legal & Rights Hotlines

• Housing Discrimination Hotline (HUD) – If you believe you have faced housing discrimination (based on race, gender, disability, etc.), you can call 1-800-669-9777 to reach a HUD Fair Housing specialist. They will help you understand your rights and assist in filing a complaint with the Office of Fair Housing and Equal Opportunity. (TTY for hearing impaired: 1-800-927-9275.)

• Immigration Rights – MigraWatch Hotline (United We Dream) – If you witness or are impacted by immigration enforcement (ICE or CBP activity) in your community, call 1-844-363-1423. This nationwide bilingual hotline allows you to report ICE raids or harassment and receive guidance and support from trained volunteers. (Operated by United We Dream; support available in English, Spanish, and other languages as needed.)

• Stop Hate Hotline – Call 1-844-9-NO-HATE (1-844-966-4283) if you have experienced or witnessed a hate crime or hate incident. The Lawyers’ Committee for Civil Rights Under Law operates this hotline to provide free legal information and resource referrals to individuals and communities facing hate-based harassment or violence. Staff can advise on reporting options and civil rights laws in your state, and help connect you with local support or law enforcement as appropriate.

• VictimConnect Resource Center – Call or text 1-855-4-VICTIM (1-855-484-2846) for a national helpline that assists victims of any crime. VictimConnect’s trained staff provide confidential support, information, and referrals to services (legal, financial, counseling, etc.) for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking, human trafficking, hate crimes, fraud, and other crimes. (Available Monday–Friday, with live chat via website during business hours.)

  
  

Disaster Distress & Emergency Preparedness

• Disaster Distress Helpline – Call or text 1-800-985-5990 to reach a 24/7 crisis line for anyone experiencing emotional distress after natural disasters or emergencies. This helpline, run by SAMHSA, provides immediate crisis counseling and trauma support for survivors of hurricanes, wildfires, pandemics, mass violence, etc. It’s free, multilingual, and available nationwide year-round. (Press 2 for Spanish. Deaf/HoH individuals can use their preferred relay service to connect.)

• FEMA Disaster Assistance Helpline – Call 1-800-621-FEMA (1-800-621-3362) for help with federal disaster assistance (FEMA) after a declared emergency or to find disaster recovery resources. (TTY: 1-800-462-7585, multilingual services available.)

• Poison Control Center – If you suspect poisoning or have a toxic exposure emergency, call 1-800-222-1222 to reach the Poison Help line. This number connects you to medical experts at your regional poison center 24/7 for immediate treatment advice for poisonings or drug overdoses. (Free and confidential, with translation services in 150+ languages.)

  
  

Accessibility & Multilingual Note: Many of the above hotlines can access interpreters for numerous languages, and most offer TTY or relay service options for callers who are Deaf or hard of hearing. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a life-threatening emergency, call 911.

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