Eric Dane's Last Words to his Children (and Ours)
- Mirage Thrams
- Feb 23
- 14 min read
What would your last words be?
Credit Netflix
I did not expect to cry twice over the same man’s death.
The first time was pretend. Eric Dane “died” as McSteamy on Grey’s, and I cried real tears over a fictional hospital bed. That is not usually me, but something about him made people care harder than they meant to.
This time it’s real. Eric Dane died at 53 from ALS. Netflix put out his episode of “Famous Last Words,” and I clicked the clip of him talking to his daughters, thinking it was just homework. Instead, I watched a father use his last big mic to leave instructions for his girls’ happiness, and I cried as a mom.
Death is such a serious uncertainty. My writing is not to turn death into Disneyland. Death is sad, and it should be. But the metaphor crystallizes if you understand that life is an attraction, not a destination. If I know the ride ends, I actually get on all of the rides today. I stand in line with my kids now. I scream and laugh and buy the light-up Buzz Lightyear balloon and sit uncomfortably in the fever-dream haze of "Small World". Just being at Disneyland is where the magic lies. Such is life. My task is to live the day I am in, on purpose, instead of waiting for some perfect version of life to show up.
What hit me watching Eric Dane talk to his daughters was what he did not do.
With cameras, producers, and a global platform around him, he used the space on his terms. Looking directly into the camera he didn't talk about his image, his money, or how to protect his legacy. He did not address his fans. He did not try to tidy up his whole life story into something inspirational for us.
He spoke straight to his kids.
He reminds them of joys they already lived together: the beach, Malibu, Santa Monica, Hawaii, and Mexico. Hours in the ocean. His “water babies.” You can feel him trying to lock those memories in for them, so when grief comes knocking, they have something solid to hold.
Then he passes them tools, simple and heavy at the same time:
Stay in the present.
Fight with dignity.
You’re resilient.
Live now.
On paper, that may read small. But it lands so hugely coming from a man in a motorized chair whose body is folding on him. He has every regret, every bad decision, every relapse, every career high and low in his back pocket. And he uses the most powerful moment in his career to center joy and strength for his daughters.
As a breast cancer survivor, a domestic violence survivor, and a single mom of three girls, I try to pay attention to what people say when they believe there will be no time to rewrite it. A good portion of my work is on turning pain into story, but watching Eric, I felt a line drawn: even if a life has been messy and tainted with the artificial prizes of Hollywood, the last word can still be about love.
We keep acting like we’ll say these things to our kids later, when life gets “better.” When the bills are finally caught up, when the career looks how we pictured, when the house and the body and the relationship all line up. But watching Eric, I had to ask myself: what if our versions of “better” never show up the way we plan? On his way out, the only “better” he wanted was more regular days with his girls. That is it. The beach they already went to. The jokes they already tell. The same sunlight, the same water, the same Happily Ever Tuesday.
"I still can’t believe this
is happening to me.
It’s weird, you know…
this was never
part of the story I
created for myself."
-Eric Dane
It made me realize the present is not the warm-up. It's go time, y'all. This version of me, with the late fee and the half-finished dream and the sink full of dishes, is still somebody’s whole mother. My girls do not need a “better” future version of me to tell them they are my heart, my everything. They need to hear it now, inside this messy,
ordinary, honest life. This is the best, because this is what is real.
So I circle back to the question: if this were my final recorded message to my daughters, would I spend my last minutes warning them about how status, money, and racism? Would I try to make sure I had the last word, dragging those who hurt me? Would I be try to teach them every safety rule I have ever learned?
Or would I trust that I have already shown them how to fight, and use my last breath to remind them how to live fully and be happy? And that they were wholly and unbelievably loved.
Losing those we love is heartbreaking. We are allowed to feel that all the way down. But one day that will be you and me, and that doesn't have to be a depressing thought. It just means the clock is real. If I know there is a last day coming, then today gets to be my Disneyland moment, right here in this regular life. His loss is real, and so is the gift he left us.
Not a blueprint for perfection. Not a demand to be positive all the time. Just a quiet, stubborn reminder: this ordinary Tuesday you keep stepping over is already “better” enough to say what matters to the people you love.
Those words are for Billie and Georgia. But if we let them, they can also be marching orders for the rest of us who still have time left on the clock, not to scare us, but to remind us that today is already “better” enough to say what matters.
SHE IS HOPE LA. We got you, Mama.
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You do not have to prove pain to deserve protection!
Eric's Last Words: 0:00
Billie and Georgia, these words are for you.
0:04
I tried.
0:07
I stumbled sometimes, but I tried.
0:11
Overall, we had a blast, didn't we?
0:15
I remember all the times we spent at the beach.
0:19
The two of you, me, and Mom in Malibu, Santa Monica…
0:30
Santa Monica, Hawaii, Mexico.
0:34
I see you now playing in the ocean for hours,
0:37
my water babies.
0:40
Those days, pun intended, were heaven.
0:45
I wanna tell you four things I've learned from this disease,
0:49
and I hope you won't just listen to me.
0:51
I hope you'll hear me.
0:55
First, live now,
0:59
right now, in the present.
1:03
It's hard, but I learned to do that.
1:07
For years, I would wander off mentally, lost in my head for long chunks of time,
1:13
wallowing in worry and self-pity, shame, and doubt.
1:18
I replayed decisions,
1:20
second-guessed myself.
1:21
"I should have done this." "I never should have done that."
1:26
No more.
1:28
Out of pure survival, I am forced to stay in the present.
1:34
But I don't wanna be anywhere else.
1:36
The past contains regrets.
1:39
The future remains unknown.
1:42
So you have to live now.
1:45
The present is all you have.
1:48
Treasure it. Cherish every moment.
1:52
Second, fall in love.
1:55
Not necessarily with a person,
1:57
although I do recommend that as well.
2:01
But fall in love with something.
2:03
Find your passion, your joy.
2:06
Find the thing that makes you wanna get up in the morning.
2:11
Drives you through the entire day.
2:14
I fell in love for the first time when I was about your age.
2:17
I fell in love with acting.
2:20
That love eventually got me through my darkest hours,
2:24
my darkest days,
2:27
my darkest year.
2:30
I still love my work. I still look forward to it.
2:33
I still wanna get in front of a camera and play my part.
2:38
My work doesn't define me, but it excites me.
2:42
Find something.
2:45
Find something that excites you.
2:48
Find your path.
2:49
Your purpose.
2:51
Your dream.
2:53
Then go for it.
2:55
Really go for it.
2:58
Third, choose your friends wisely.
3:03
Find your people and allow them to find you,
3:07
and then give yourselves to them.
3:10
The best of them will give back to you.
3:13
No judgment.
3:15
No conditions.
3:17
No questions asked.
3:19
I'm so thankful for my very close family and friends.
3:23
Every single one has stepped up.
3:26
I can't do even the little things I used to do.
3:30
I can't drive around town, go to the gym, get coffee, hang out.
3:36
I've learned to embrace alternatives.
3:38
My friends come to me.
3:40
We eat together, watch a game, listen to music.
3:45
They don't do anything special. They just show up.
3:48
That's a big one.
3:49
Just show up.
3:53
And love your friends with everything you have.
3:58
Hang on to them.
3:59
They will entertain you, guide you,
4:03
help you, support you, and some will save you.
4:09
Finally,
4:11
fight with every ounce of your being and with dignity.
4:17
When you face challenges,
4:19
health or otherwise, fight.
4:24
Never give up.
4:25
Fight until your last breath.
4:30
This disease is slowly taking my body,
4:33
but it will never take my spirit.
4:38
The two of you are different people.
4:42
But you're both strong and resilient.
4:46
You inherited resiliency from me.
4:49
That's my superpower.
4:52
You knock me down, I bounce right up, and I keep coming back.
4:56
I get up again and again and again.
5:00
Mark says I'm like a cat.
5:02
Except a cat has nine lives, and I'm on number 15 easily.
5:09
So when something unexpected hits you, and it will, because that's life,
5:14
fight and face it with honesty, integrity, and grace,
5:18
even if it feels or seems insurmountable.
5:22
I hope I've demonstrated that you can face anything.
5:26
You can face the end of your days.
5:28
You can face hell with dignity.
5:32
Fight, girls, and hold your heads high.
5:37
Billie and Georgia,
5:39
you are my heart.
5:41
You are my everything.
5:44
Good night.
5:45
I love you.
5:47
Those are my last words.
Connect to the help you need today:
You aren't alone. The first step is as easy as a thought. Let's get you healthy and happy. We need you!
Mirage Thrams is a single mother of three beautiful girls, a Hollywood-based writer, director, and cinematographer, and serves as Secretary and Public Relations Director for SHE IS HOPE LA.
If loving truth is wrong, she don't wanna be right. Contact: [info@sheishopela.org]
Media and partnerships: [pr@sheishopela.org] Los Angeles, CA
Connect to the help you need today:
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or positions of SHE IS HOPE LA.
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