"Do I look Fat in These Genes?"

Why it's important to your kids that you love yourself.

Disclaimer:

This blog shares personal opinions and general information and is not medical or mental health advice. It does not create a provider-patient or therapist-client relationship. Consult a qualified professional for guidance. If you are in crisis, call 911 or call or text 988 (U.S.).

Remember Meghan Trainor? You know, that singer who was "bringing booty back"? For an entire year, she swooned about how she's "all about that bass." Well, after GLP-1s and drugs like Ozempic have washed over Hollywood, Ms. Trainor is now all about that treble.

Photo Credit: Pintrest

So what would make a person who built a slight but successful musical career on publicly accepting her shapely body change completely to be one of those "skinny b*tches" that she equally publicly shunned?

What happened to "every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top"? Maybe it was her age, or the newness of fame, but the 32-year-old pop singer is posing a lot fiercer than her fuller 20-year-old ever did. Meghan has never been considered "fat" by "normal", non-Hollywood standards, but she gave hope to a generation of curvy profiles of body positivity and acceptance. Why did she switch symbols of the musical staff so quickly and drastically? The answer may be more accessible than you think. What if Meghan was never all about that bass?

Must I Pick a Sound?

Photo Credit: Fashion Magazine

When women center their identity around their clothing size, it's typically not rooted in a strong center. While it's healthy and even necessary to love yourself at all sizes, it's also important not to reduce yourself to a number lining a garment or on a scale.

Humans have these tricky chemical messengers, born from our endocrine system, that travel through the bloodstream to regulate important bodily functions like growth, metabolism, mood, reproduction, and stress response, called hormones. Even when they are working correctly, they are fragile, responsive, and delicate. Women are constantly moving through hormone regulation for life. It's these little boogers that sometimes tip the scales one way or another. They are internal, and they have a dynamic two-way relationship with genetics, where genes provide the blueprint for hormone production, function, and sensitivity. Hormones are the messengers that can turn genes on and off like a switch, and regulate everything from growth and metabolism to mood and reproduction. This partnership is not easily manipulated, meaning you were born into your body type. When you try to change it into an unfamiliar shape, you may be changing a vital part of what got you here with all your parts in the first place.

So why are so many female-identifying individuals so unhappy with their bodies? I have a theory. What if it's as simple as the fact that we can't see ourselves as much as others who are around us? That means we may be hating ourselves in large part based on the response our physical presence causes in others. I'm talking about other people who are changing, have hormones, and also may fall into a trap of hating their bodies.

What does negative self-criticism teach our children?

We have all seen that child during a holiday or birthday who receives a gift and immediately scoffs, gets angry, and pushes it aside because it's not what they wanted or expected. This want, or expectation, is almost always because that child does not currently have that gift and has a belief about how possessing it will impact them. Our bodies are always changing, and they are temporary. When we dismiss it in any way, we miss the point of having a body. This glorious form is housing for our soul, which contains our thoughts, our hopes, fears, experiences, and desires. It drives our body and is rarely as considered (in Western societies, and don't even get me started about eugenics) as our souls. When we hate our body, we are that child, hating the gift that we've been given. A gift that allows us to experience life. It may be different from others. It may experience different things or cause different reactions. But it is mobile and (when available) may thrive in the right environment. What if there was no mistake? We didn't choose the wrong body or physical presentation. We just are. These bodies are our one-and-only ticket to life.

Another thought I had was this: if we are so vocal about hating our bodies, our faces, our age, or anything else we don't control in front of our children, what does that tell them about our acceptance of them? To these potential versions of us (in physicality or in actions), our self-diminishment may say that our admiration and love are conditional on their physical state. Even if we shower them with love and appreciation for their bodies, we may be signaling that our love may change (even if we know it won't) if they ever change. Will it make our children fear change because they may not be loved the same? And the result is that they may be alone.

While these are the musings of an insomniac with a simple song stuck in her head, it's a concept worth exploring. Maybe we can think the next time we ask, "Do I look fat in these genes?"

Love your body. You only get one.

Mirage Thrams is a single mother of three beautiful girls, a Hollywood-based writer, director, and cinematographer, and serves as Secretary and Public Relations Director for SHE IS HOPE LA.

If loving truth is wrong, she don't wanna be right. Contact: [info@sheishopela.org]

Media and partnerships: [pr@sheishopela.org]

Los Angeles, CA

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or positions of SHE IS HOPE LA.

*Emergency and Crisis Hotlines in the United States (click here for a comprehensive list)

Mental Health & General Crisis

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Dial 988 (or text 988) for 24/7 free and confidential support during mental health, suicide, or substance use crises across the U.S.. Counselors are available in English and Spanish, with interpretation in 240+ languages. (Formerly the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.)

• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the U.S. to connect with a live, trained crisis counselor via text. This service is available 24/7 and is free and confidential. (También disponible en español – envía HOLA al 741741.)

• 211 Helpline – Dial 211 for help finding local resources for any kind of crisis or urgent need (housing, food, mental health, etc.). 211 is a free, confidential 24/7 referral service that connects callers with locally available help across the U.S., with support in 180+ languages.

  
  

LGBTQ+ Support

• The Trevor Project – Call 1-866-488-7386 (TrevorLifeline), text “START” to 678-678, or chat online for 24/7 crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ+ youth. Trained counselors provide free and confidential support 24/7 via phone, text, and chat.

• Trans Lifeline – Call 877-565-8860 to reach a peer support hotline run by and for transgender people. Operators are trans/nonbinary volunteers who provide emotional support and resources without involving emergency services. Note: Available in English or Spanish (press 2 for Spanish). Hours:  Monday–Friday, 10 am–6 pm Pacific (1 pm–9 pm Eastern).

• SAGE LGBTQ+ Elder Hotline – Call 1-877-360-LGBT (5428) for a free confidential hotline dedicated to LGBTQ+ older adults (and caregivers). 24/7 responders are certified in crisis response and offer support without judgment. Services available in English and Spanish, with translation in 180 languages.

  
  

Domestic & Dating Violence

• National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE), or text “START” to 88788, for 24/7 support if you are experiencing domestic violence or relationship abuse. Highly trained advocates are available 24/7 to talk confidentially with anyone in the U.S. affected by domestic or dating violence, offering crisis counseling, safety planning, and referrals. (Servicios disponibles en español.)

• love is respect – National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline – Call 1-866-331-9474, text “LOVEIS” to 22522, or live chat online for support with dating abuse. This 24/7 service is tailored to teens and young adults (as well as their friends/family) for questions or concerns about healthy relationships and dating violence. Peer advocates provide education, emotional support, and help with safety planning.

• StrongHearts Native Helpline – Call or text 1-844-7NATIVE (844-762-8483) for culturally-specific support for Native American and Alaska Native communities. This is a 24/7 anonymous and confidential helpline for domestic violence and sexual violence, staffed by advocates familiar with Native cultures and tribal resources. (Offers support in English and in some Indigenous languages.)

• The Deaf Hotline – For Deaf and hard-of-hearing survivors of abuse, the National Deaf Domestic Violence Hotline provides 24/7 crisis assistance in American Sign Language. Video phone: 1-855-812-1001. Deaf advocates are available 24/7 via VP, providing culturally adept crisis intervention, safety planning, and emotional support in ASL. (Email and chat options are also available via the website.)

  
  

Sexual Assault & Abuse

• National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN) – Call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) to be connected with a local sexual assault service provider, or chat online via RAINN. This hotline is 24/7 and connects survivors of rape, sexual assault, or abuse (or their loved ones) with trained staff who provide confidential support and resources for healing and reporting. (En español: 1-800-656-4673 or rainn.org/es).

• DOD Safe Helpline – Call 877-995-5247 or chat online for confidential support for sexual assault survivors in the U.S. military community (Service members, veterans, and DoD employees). This is the Department of Defense’s 24/7 specialized hotline, operated by RAINN, providing anonymous crisis counseling, referrals, and information worldwide for those affected by sexual violence in the military. (Accessible from anywhere via phone, online chat, or the Safe Helpline app.)

  
  

Child & Youth Safety

• Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline – Call or text 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) if you are a victim of child abuse or concerned about a child’s safety. Professional crisis counselors are available 24/7/365 via phone, text, or online chat to provide crisis intervention, information, and referrals. Support is free and confidential, and help is offered in 170+ languages.

• National Runaway Safeline – Call 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929), or text, email, or chat via the website for any youth in crisis (or youth considering running away/homelessness) and concerned family members. This 24/7 crisis line offers compassionate, nonjudgmental support and can help with safety planning, shelter referrals, reunification, and other resources. All services are free and confidential.

• National Center for Missing & Exploited Children – If you have information about a missing child or suspect a child is being sexually exploited online, call 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678). This hotline operates 24/7 to receive tips and provide assistance to law enforcement and families in cases of missing or exploited children.

  
  

Elder Support & Abuse Prevention

• Eldercare Locator – Call 1-800-677-1116 for the nationwide Eldercare Locator, which connects older adults and caregivers with local resources (like Adult Protective Services, senior services, and legal aid). Information specialists are available Monday–Friday, 9 am–8 pm ET to answer questions and help report elder abuse or neglect by routing you to the appropriate agencies. (Service in English and Spanish, with interpreters for other languages.)

• National Elder Fraud Hotline (DOJ) – Call 1-833-FRAUD-11 (833-372-8311) if you or an elderly person you know has been a victim of fraud, scams, or financial exploitation. This U.S. Department of Justice hotline is staffed by case managers who assist callers in reporting fraud and connecting with resources. Hours: Monday–Friday, 10 am–6 pm Eastern. Services are available in multiple languages. (After hours, you can leave a message and get a callback.)

  
  

Human Trafficking & Exploitation

• National Human Trafficking Hotline – If you or someone you encounter may be a victim of human trafficking (sex or labor trafficking), call 1-888-373-7888, text “HELP” or “INFO” to 233733, or chat via the website. Trained advocates are available 24/7 to take reports or provide help to victims. Calls are confidential, and you can get help in 200+ languages through interpreters. (You may also report tips anonymously.)

• National Sexual Exploitation Hotline (CyberTipline) – To report online sexual exploitation of children (e.g. child pornography, enticement, sex trafficking), contact the CyberTipline at 1-800-843-5678 or through the online form. This tipline is operated by NCMEC in partnership with law enforcement 24/7.

  
  

Veterans & Military Crisis

• Veterans Crisis Line – Dial 988 then Press 1 (or call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1), or text 838255, to reach the Veterans Crisis Line. This is a dedicated 24/7 crisis hotline for veterans, service members, National Guard/Reserve, and their families. It provides free, confidential support from trained responders (many are veterans) for any emotional or suicidal crisis. (You do not have to be enrolled in VA benefits to use this service. Online chat is also available.)

• Military OneSource Crisis Line – Call 1-800-342-9647 for 24/7 help for service members and their families on a range of issues (financial, legal, family, mental health). This DoD-funded helpline provides confidential counseling and referrals worldwide (with collect calls from OCONUS accepted). (Language interpretation available.)

• Vet Center Call Center – Call 1-877-WAR-VETS (927-8387) for the Vet Center confidential call center. It’s a 24/7 helpline staffed by combat veterans and military family members, providing an understanding ear, support, and referrals for veterans and service members (and their families) who prefer to speak with fellow veterans about readjustment counseling or any personal crises.

  
  

Legal & Rights Hotlines

• Housing Discrimination Hotline (HUD) – If you believe you have faced housing discrimination (based on race, gender, disability, etc.), you can call 1-800-669-9777 to reach a HUD Fair Housing specialist. They will help you understand your rights and assist in filing a complaint with the Office of Fair Housing and Equal Opportunity. (TTY for hearing impaired: 1-800-927-9275.)

• Immigration Rights – MigraWatch Hotline (United We Dream) – If you witness or are impacted by immigration enforcement (ICE or CBP activity) in your community, call 1-844-363-1423. This nationwide bilingual hotline allows you to report ICE raids or harassment and receive guidance and support from trained volunteers. (Operated by United We Dream; support available in English, Spanish, and other languages as needed.)

• Stop Hate Hotline – Call 1-844-9-NO-HATE (1-844-966-4283) if you have experienced or witnessed a hate crime or hate incident. The Lawyers’ Committee for Civil Rights Under Law operates this hotline to provide free legal information and resource referrals to individuals and communities facing hate-based harassment or violence. Staff can advise on reporting options and civil rights laws in your state, and help connect you with local support or law enforcement as appropriate.

• VictimConnect Resource Center – Call or text 1-855-4-VICTIM (1-855-484-2846) for a national helpline that assists victims of any crime. VictimConnect’s trained staff provide confidential support, information, and referrals to services (legal, financial, counseling, etc.) for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking, human trafficking, hate crimes, fraud, and other crimes. (Available Monday–Friday, with live chat via website during business hours.)

  
  

Disaster Distress & Emergency Preparedness

• Disaster Distress Helpline – Call or text 1-800-985-5990 to reach a 24/7 crisis line for anyone experiencing emotional distress after natural disasters or emergencies. This helpline, run by SAMHSA, provides immediate crisis counseling and trauma support for survivors of hurricanes, wildfires, pandemics, mass violence, etc. It’s free, multilingual, and available nationwide year-round. (Press 2 for Spanish. Deaf/HoH individuals can use their preferred relay service to connect.)

• FEMA Disaster Assistance Helpline – Call 1-800-621-FEMA (1-800-621-3362) for help with federal disaster assistance (FEMA) after a declared emergency or to find disaster recovery resources. (TTY: 1-800-462-7585, multilingual services available.)

• Poison Control Center – If you suspect poisoning or have a toxic exposure emergency, call 1-800-222-1222 to reach the Poison Help line. This number connects you to medical experts at your regional poison center 24/7 for immediate treatment advice for poisonings or drug overdoses. (Free and confidential, with translation services in 150+ languages.)

  
  

Accessibility & Multilingual Note: Many of the above hotlines can access interpreters for numerous languages, and most offer TTY or relay service options for callers who are Deaf or hard of hearing. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a life-threatening emergency, call 911.

*SHE IS HOPE LA. Disclaimer: No provider-patient or therapist-client relationship is created by the use of this site or any communication through it. Consult a qualified healthcare provider or licensed mental health professional for individualized guidance, and do not delay seeking care because of anything you read here. If you are in crisis or experiencing an emergency, call 911 or contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) by call, text, or chat.