"No" Is My New "Yes"

The power of one small word

SHE IS HOPE LA

Then...

For most of my life, my favorite word was “yes.”

“Can you come do this show?” Yes.  

“Can you help with this project?” Yes.  

“Can you drive across town at rush hour for five minutes of stage time and a bag of chips?” Obviously yes.

I treated every ask like it was a golden ticket. If a door cracked open, I was already halfway through it with my shoes off, washing dishes, thanking them for the honor.

The problem is, “yes” was free for everybody but me.

Every time I said “yes”, I was writing a little note that said, “You go first. My kids, my body, my sleep, my brain can wait.” I did not realize I was handing out an instruction manual. Every “yes” and every "no" is a chapter in how people learn to treat you. “Ask her last minute, she’ll figure it out.” “She’ll drive. She’ll cover. She’ll fix it.” That was the manual I wrote.

My body did not approve the draft.

I said “yes” so much that my body started throwing bricks through the window. Cancer. Anxiety. Stomach doing Olympic-level gymnastics. We talk about stress like it is a vibe. “I’m stressed.” No. Stress is a little thief that breaks into your life and steals minutes off the clock. “Ugh, I’m tired,” was actually “I just traded an hour with my kids so a stranger could feel accommodated.”

And then, even worse, I’d get mad that other people did not play by my rules.

I would bend over backwards, then get disappointed when they did not bend the same way for me. I was out here on Cirque du Soleil timing and they were on “I’ll text you back in three to five business days.” I had these high expectations like, “If I kill myself to show up for you, obviously you will kill yourself to show up for me.”

Spoiler: they didn't.

They were just reading the manual I gave them. My chapter said, “She doesn’t need boundaries. She’ll be fine.”

So I changed the chapter.

Say "no" with your chest.

Now...

"No" is my new "yes".

When I say "no" now, it is not me being difficult. It is me editing the manual. “No, I cannot make it.” Translation: “I am not available as background furniture.” “No, I am not taking that on.” Translation: “If my health has already taken a hit, I am not donating my nervous system to your calendar.”

Any time I say "no", I am actually saying "yes" to something else that matters more. 'Yes" to not getting another ulcer-sized mystery in my body. "Yes" to not missing my kid’s joke because I am on some call I did not need to be on. "Yes" to not sitting in traffic for a gig paying me in “exposure,” like I am a plant and sunlight is gonna cover rent.

People act like “no” is rude. But “yes” without capacity is the real disrespect. That is how you end up resentful, overbooked, and silently hating everybody at the thing you agreed to do. I do not want to be the bitter tired lady in the corner, whispering complaints in my head while smiling in photos. I want my yes to mean I actually want to be there.

So now, if you ask me for something, you are also going to meet my "no".

Not because I don’t care. Because I finally do.

Because I understand I’m always teaching people how to deal with me. I can hand you the old manual, where I disappear myself to keep you comfortable. Or I can hand you the new one. The new manual says:

Put "no" in your body.

She loves hard.  

She works hard.  

She has survived too much to audition for exhaustion.  

If you get a "yes" from her, it is real.

"No" is my new "yes"!

And honestly? It looks amazing on me.

You do not have to prove pain to deserve protection!

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You aren't alone. The first step is as easy as a thought. Let's get you healthy and happy. We need you!

Mirage Thrams is a single mother of three beautiful girls, a Hollywood-based writer, director, and cinematographer, and serves as Secretary and Public Relations Director for SHE IS HOPE LA.

If loving truth is wrong, she don't wanna be right. Contact: [secretary@sheishopela.org]

Media and partnerships: [mirage@justlikeamiragepr.com] Los Angeles, CA

Connect to the help you need today:

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or positions of SHE IS HOPE LA.

*Emergency and Crisis Hotlines in the United States (click here for a comprehensive list) 

Mental Health & General Crisis

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Dial 988 (or text 988) for 24/7 free and confidential support during mental health, suicide, or substance use crises across the U.S.. Counselors are available in English and Spanish, with interpretation in 240+ languages. (Formerly the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.)

• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the U.S. to connect with a live, trained crisis counselor via text. This service is available 24/7 and is free and confidential. (También disponible en español – envía HOLA al 741741.)

• 211 Helpline – Dial 211 for help finding local resources for any kind of crisis or urgent need (housing, food, mental health, etc.). 211 is a free, confidential 24/7 referral service that connects callers with locally available help across the U.S., with support in 180+ languages.

  
  

LGBTQ+ Support

• The Trevor Project – Call 1-866-488-7386 (TrevorLifeline), text “START” to 678-678, or chat online for 24/7 crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ+ youth. Trained counselors provide free and confidential support 24/7 via phone, text, and chat.

• Trans Lifeline – Call 877-565-8860 to reach a peer support hotline run by and for transgender people. Operators are trans/nonbinary volunteers who provide emotional support and resources without involving emergency services. Note: Available in English or Spanish (press 2 for Spanish). Hours:  Monday–Friday, 10 am–6 pm Pacific (1 pm–9 pm Eastern).

• SAGE LGBTQ+ Elder Hotline – Call 1-877-360-LGBT (5428) for a free confidential hotline dedicated to LGBTQ+ older adults (and caregivers). 24/7 responders are certified in crisis response and offer support without judgment. Services available in English and Spanish, with translation in 180 languages.

  
  

Domestic & Dating Violence

• National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE), or text “START” to 88788, for 24/7 support if you are experiencing domestic violence or relationship abuse. Highly trained advocates are available 24/7 to talk confidentially with anyone in the U.S. affected by domestic or dating violence, offering crisis counseling, safety planning, and referrals. (Servicios disponibles en español.)

• love is respect – National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline – Call 1-866-331-9474, text “LOVEIS” to 22522, or live chat online for support with dating abuse. This 24/7 service is tailored to teens and young adults (as well as their friends/family) for questions or concerns about healthy relationships and dating violence. Peer advocates provide education, emotional support, and help with safety planning.

• StrongHearts Native Helpline – Call or text 1-844-7NATIVE (844-762-8483) for culturally-specific support for Native American and Alaska Native communities. This is a 24/7 anonymous and confidential helpline for domestic violence and sexual violence, staffed by advocates familiar with Native cultures and tribal resources. (Offers support in English and in some Indigenous languages.)

• The Deaf Hotline – For Deaf and hard-of-hearing survivors of abuse, the National Deaf Domestic Violence Hotline provides 24/7 crisis assistance in American Sign Language. Video phone: 1-855-812-1001. Deaf advocates are available 24/7 via VP, providing culturally adept crisis intervention, safety planning, and emotional support in ASL. (Email and chat options are also available via the website.)

  
  

Sexual Assault & Abuse

• National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN) – Call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) to be connected with a local sexual assault service provider, or chat online via RAINN. This hotline is 24/7 and connects survivors of rape, sexual assault, or abuse (or their loved ones) with trained staff who provide confidential support and resources for healing and reporting. (En español: 1-800-656-4673 or rainn.org/es).

• DOD Safe Helpline – Call 877-995-5247 or chat online for confidential support for sexual assault survivors in the U.S. military community (Service members, veterans, and DoD employees). This is the Department of Defense’s 24/7 specialized hotline, operated by RAINN, providing anonymous crisis counseling, referrals, and information worldwide for those affected by sexual violence in the military. (Accessible from anywhere via phone, online chat, or the Safe Helpline app.)

  
  

Child & Youth Safety

• Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline – Call or text 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) if you are a victim of child abuse or concerned about a child’s safety. Professional crisis counselors are available 24/7/365 via phone, text, or online chat to provide crisis intervention, information, and referrals. Support is free and confidential, and help is offered in 170+ languages.

• National Runaway Safeline – Call 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929), or text, email, or chat via the website for any youth in crisis (or youth considering running away/homelessness) and concerned family members. This 24/7 crisis line offers compassionate, nonjudgmental support and can help with safety planning, shelter referrals, reunification, and other resources. All services are free and confidential.

• National Center for Missing & Exploited Children – If you have information about a missing child or suspect a child is being sexually exploited online, call 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678). This hotline operates 24/7 to receive tips and provide assistance to law enforcement and families in cases of missing or exploited children.

  
  

Elder Support & Abuse Prevention

• Eldercare Locator – Call 1-800-677-1116 for the nationwide Eldercare Locator, which connects older adults and caregivers with local resources (like Adult Protective Services, senior services, and legal aid). Information specialists are available Monday–Friday, 9 am–8 pm ET to answer questions and help report elder abuse or neglect by routing you to the appropriate agencies. (Service in English and Spanish, with interpreters for other languages.)

• National Elder Fraud Hotline (DOJ) – Call 1-833-FRAUD-11 (833-372-8311) if you or an elderly person you know has been a victim of fraud, scams, or financial exploitation. This U.S. Department of Justice hotline is staffed by case managers who assist callers in reporting fraud and connecting with resources. Hours: Monday–Friday, 10 am–6 pm Eastern. Services are available in multiple languages. (After hours, you can leave a message and get a callback.)

  
  

Human Trafficking & Exploitation

• National Human Trafficking Hotline – If you or someone you encounter may be a victim of human trafficking (sex or labor trafficking), call 1-888-373-7888, text “HELP” or “INFO” to 233733, or chat via the website. Trained advocates are available 24/7 to take reports or provide help to victims. Calls are confidential, and you can get help in 200+ languages through interpreters. (You may also report tips anonymously.)

• National Sexual Exploitation Hotline (CyberTipline) – To report online sexual exploitation of children (e.g. child pornography, enticement, sex trafficking), contact the CyberTipline at 1-800-843-5678 or through the online form. This tipline is operated by NCMEC in partnership with law enforcement 24/7.

  
  

Veterans & Military Crisis

• Veterans Crisis Line – Dial 988 then Press 1 (or call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1), or text 838255, to reach the Veterans Crisis Line. This is a dedicated 24/7 crisis hotline for veterans, service members, National Guard/Reserve, and their families. It provides free, confidential support from trained responders (many are veterans) for any emotional or suicidal crisis. (You do not have to be enrolled in VA benefits to use this service. Online chat is also available.)

• Military OneSource Crisis Line – Call 1-800-342-9647 for 24/7 help for service members and their families on a range of issues (financial, legal, family, mental health). This DoD-funded helpline provides confidential counseling and referrals worldwide (with collect calls from OCONUS accepted). (Language interpretation available.)

• Vet Center Call Center – Call 1-877-WAR-VETS (927-8387) for the Vet Center confidential call center. It’s a 24/7 helpline staffed by combat veterans and military family members, providing an understanding ear, support, and referrals for veterans and service members (and their families) who prefer to speak with fellow veterans about readjustment counseling or any personal crises.

  
  

Legal & Rights Hotlines

• Housing Discrimination Hotline (HUD) – If you believe you have faced housing discrimination (based on race, gender, disability, etc.), you can call 1-800-669-9777 to reach a HUD Fair Housing specialist. They will help you understand your rights and assist in filing a complaint with the Office of Fair Housing and Equal Opportunity. (TTY for hearing impaired: 1-800-927-9275.)

• Immigration Rights – MigraWatch Hotline (United We Dream) – If you witness or are impacted by immigration enforcement (ICE or CBP activity) in your community, call 1-844-363-1423. This nationwide bilingual hotline allows you to report ICE raids or harassment and receive guidance and support from trained volunteers. (Operated by United We Dream; support available in English, Spanish, and other languages as needed.)

• Stop Hate Hotline – Call 1-844-9-NO-HATE (1-844-966-4283) if you have experienced or witnessed a hate crime or hate incident. The Lawyers’ Committee for Civil Rights Under Law operates this hotline to provide free legal information and resource referrals to individuals and communities facing hate-based harassment or violence. Staff can advise on reporting options and civil rights laws in your state, and help connect you with local support or law enforcement as appropriate.

• VictimConnect Resource Center – Call or text 1-855-4-VICTIM (1-855-484-2846) for a national helpline that assists victims of any crime. VictimConnect’s trained staff provide confidential support, information, and referrals to services (legal, financial, counseling, etc.) for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking, human trafficking, hate crimes, fraud, and other crimes. (Available Monday–Friday, with live chat via website during business hours.)

  
  

Disaster Distress & Emergency Preparedness

• Disaster Distress Helpline – Call or text 1-800-985-5990 to reach a 24/7 crisis line for anyone experiencing emotional distress after natural disasters or emergencies. This helpline, run by SAMHSA, provides immediate crisis counseling and trauma support for survivors of hurricanes, wildfires, pandemics, mass violence, etc. It’s free, multilingual, and available nationwide year-round. (Press 2 for Spanish. Deaf/HoH individuals can use their preferred relay service to connect.)

• FEMA Disaster Assistance Helpline – Call 1-800-621-FEMA (1-800-621-3362) for help with federal disaster assistance (FEMA) after a declared emergency or to find disaster recovery resources. (TTY: 1-800-462-7585, multilingual services available.)

• Poison Control Center – If you suspect poisoning or have a toxic exposure emergency, call 1-800-222-1222 to reach the Poison Help line. This number connects you to medical experts at your regional poison center 24/7 for immediate treatment advice for poisonings or drug overdoses. (Free and confidential, with translation services in 150+ languages.)

  
  

Accessibility & Multilingual Note: Many of the above hotlines can access interpreters for numerous languages, and most offer TTY or relay service options for callers who are Deaf or hard of hearing. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a life-threatening emergency, call 911.

*SHE IS HOPE LA. Disclaimer: No provider-patient or therapist-client relationship is created by the use of this site or any communication through it. Consult a qualified healthcare provider or licensed mental health professional for individualized guidance, and do not delay seeking care because of anything you read here. If you are in crisis or experiencing an emergency, call 911 or contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) by call, text, or chat.